You didn’t even say happy birthday. My own father, who knows that I hate him, told me happy birthday several times. I haven’t even heard from you. I’m so pissed. I want to hate you so so bad, but I can’t. I’ll forgive you.

This weekend, I talked to Emalee and Emily about you. I miss you so much, Matthew. I wish you were at least alive so then I could’ve called you and told you how I wish you were here to spend my birthday with me. I haven’t talked to you lately, because I hate crying every day over it. I don’t know what to say, or think. I miss you more than anything in the world. I wish you could help me out. I’m in such a rut. I want to tell Julian about you. But I don’t think that I can.. it’ll just break my heart even more. I miss you. I can’t stress that enough.

Tonight, I’m hella depressed, for no reason. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Gonna go smoke a bowl and hopefully get a good nights sleep?:/

Ahhhhhh:) I had such an amazing Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Words can’t even describe. I’m beyond happy. I’m glad that I’m friends with so many people that have amazing memories with. I wouldn’t have wanted any other people to spend those crazy, unforgettable moments with! And I’m just, so happy. So content. I have a great boyfriend who I know won’t leave me, my best friend moves in my house soon, I’m becoming so close with so many people. I love it,:)))))))

I don’t care. I’m 18. It’s MY birthdayy. I’m piercing my nippzzzz! I’m about to have a great day with the ones who mean the most to me, <3

Complaining already. I didn’t fall asleep til 530; 6ish. And I woke up at 705. I feel like I’m rolling. Or somethibg. It’s weird. I’m going back to sleep before something bad happens tgat ill regret or something. Crap. Ima go to school though. So idj what I’m doin. Ohvwell.

you text me at the most wrong times, the most vulnerable. and i just always give in, because i don’t know who else to talk to. it sucks, because you aren’t even the one i want to text me. but i’m completely okay with talking to you. it makes me feel more better about myself, to see your name pop up when you text me. thanks, though. for being a friend. :)